Tuesday, October 27, 2009
If You Give Your Wife a Light (A Story).
If you give your wife a light fixture for her birthday, she will want you to install it over the sink in the laundry room. After you install it, she will want you to replace the faucet to match the brushed nickel light (but that is a story for another day). After you install the light, she will want you to patch the holes left by the old paint. But since you are at work, she will patch them. Then she will patch the holes in the family, dining, and living room, too. And after patching the holes, she will sand them. After she sands them, she will need to get the vacuum cleaner to clean up the sanding dust. After vacuuming the dust, she will go to the store to get more paint, because there is no more in the garage. But first she must dig some paint off the wall behind the dryer to get a color match. After she gets the paint, she will paint the spots around the new light that were behind the old light to match the walls. Then she will touch up the paint on the walls in the kitchen and dining room. But first she will go get a Mr. Clean eraser and scrub the walls. After touching up the paint in the kitchen and dining room, she will decide to get out the other paint color and touch up the walls in the living room, which must be scrubbed first. After that, she will finally put up the shades and light bulbs on the new light fixture, which is very beautiful, but very bright. Because the light is so bright, she will see the old paint specks from five years ago on the mirror. So she go and get a scraper to get all the paint flecks off, and then clean the mirror. Then she will see the grunge on the faucet and sink, so she will get a toothbrush and scrub it all down. Meanwhile, the baby will pull the entire roll of toilet paper off the roll, scatter laundry detergent all over herself and the floor, and even eat some laundry detergent. The wife will realize this when the baby starts gagging. After the baby is cleaned off, she will have to clean up all the toilet paper and laundry detergent. After she cleans all this up, and finish scrubbing the sink and counter and mirror, she will realize that the white beans that are simmering on the stove are burning. She will rush to the stove to stop the burning. Then she will have to feed the family cereal for dinner. So, the moral of the story is: If you give your wife a light, she will be very happy with it and with her clean bathroom, but you may have to eat cereal for dinner.